Strong
by UglyKidAtHogwarts
Summary: In Harry's eyes, he was finally strong. CHARACTER DEATH!! OOTP SPOILERS!


Hey everyone! I would like to take this time to thank every one of you who supported me throughout my tribulations with my brother. It's been nearly four months now and Josh finally came home. I can't express to you the weight that has been lifted off of my family's shoulders. My twin brother was finally able to come out to the rest of my family.(Yes that means I have two wonderful homosexual brothers.) My sisters have stopped fighting for the moment and my mom is smiling again.  
I don't know if any of you really understand the help you gave me. Josh is my absolute best friend. He's always been there for me and he always wanted to help in any way he could. When I saw him for the first time after the accident, I shut down completely. He was bleeding and bruised and lifeless and there was nothing I could do. I really felt like I had let him down.  
I once again want to thank you for your support. Those of you who said you didn't think that I would care that you were praying, I did and still do appreciate you most. I feel very proud to be a part of a community that is so willing to accept and grieve with someone they don't know. I'm slowly beginning to write more and I'm even thinking about a trip into a recently discovered fandom. (What do ya'll think of Dawson's Creek slash? E mail me with your thoughts.)  
Now I know that I've been babbling (dry your tears Em. It's okay.) But this story came to me after reading OotP and listening to Brian McKnight's 6,8,12. It's based very loosely on that song. ~~~~Evangeline Ashley~~~~~  
  
It hadn't been an easy choice. He had to cut ties with everyone. Sirius was gone, Voldemort was still at large, and the stress he was experiencing was just the icing on the cake. He didn't want to go back to Hogwarts. He was convinced that those people he once loved more than anything couldn't help him now. His life was destined to be miserable.  
  
The way Harry saw it, it didn't really matter anyway. Sure everyone had tried to contact him. The letters were endless. Sometimes Hermione wrote him two or three times a day. But they never came for him like they promised. Not even Ron. There was no sign that anyone even remembered him, much less cared about him, other than those letters. He never opened them. He was too scared that he would read them and cave in and want to go back. Harry prided himself on being a strong individual and refused to let himself down.  
  
Normally it didn't bother him. He could go through the day and not have a regret in the world. There was only one thought that could keep his attention for more than a fleeting minute. He couldn't help it really. He'd catch a glimpse of red hair or dream of teeth scraping over his chest and was intoxicated. The images would haunt him for hours upon hours until he questioned if he was really making the right decision. He'd wake up at night crying out and his pillow would be soaked with tears. He could never remember what happened in those dreams. He could only remember the same familiar choked voice begging and pleading with him to stay. It made no difference to Harry. This was the only choice that was logical. He hated when he felt weak and like he had no control. Deciding to live without magic gave him a sense of power he never knew existed. He could always think of a reason not to feel horribly guilty.  
  
Harry thought he was strong until that letter came. He'd though it was another letter from Hermione until he caught glimpse of the untidy scrawl. It was Ron's writing. Harry thought he could put it away like all the others until he saw that the parchment was streaked with tears. He told himself that even if he opened just one letter he could still be okay. He was strong enough to read just one. With trembling fingers Harry opened the letter and read.  
  
iMy Dearest Harry,  
  
I don't know why this is so hard for me to write. I know what I want to say, I just feel a little ridiculous writing this and not knowing if you'll even read it. Hermione's been writing. Are you getting her letters? She told me to write you, you know. I'm sorry, but I told her about us. IT was eating me up inside, Harry. All I can think of is all those nights I spent holding you in my arms and all the mornings I woke up tangled in your sheets with your naked body pressed up against mine. I just can't let it go.  
  
I guess I understand why you're not contacting us. You're scared and lonely and I know you think it's your fault, everything that happened. It isn't Harry. You couldn't do anything. None of us could.  
  
I miss you so much that I feel like I'm dying inside. I've counted to time since we said goodbye. I can tell you to the second how long it's been and sometimes I feel like a bloody fool for loving you this much. I don't even know how to pass time sometimes. There was no good in that good bye.  
  
Do you ever think about me, Harry? Do I ever cross your mind at night and cause you to cry yourself to sleep? Do you wake up with your pillow soaked with tears and my name on the tip of your tongue? When the telephone rings, does your heart skip a beat hoping it's me? Do you think of all the times we made love? I do. Ridiculous as it may sound, I can still taste your kiss perfectly. Do you even still feel the same? I miss you, Harry. Is everything ok? Please come back. I love you.  
  
-Roni  
  
Harry thought he was a strong individual until that letter came. He realized that he had no control over the situation and it was now clear exactly what had to be done. He would not feel weak anymore. He was tired of feeling alone and he knew just how to fix it. Harry would show them just how strong he was.  
  
Tear stung his eyes as he filled the bath that night. The water was freezing but Harry didn't care. He didn't even bother to take off his clothes before he climbed in. As he sat in the cold water, tears poured down his cheeks. Ron's words were the last thing that crossed his mind as he drew in his breath and sank below the surface of the water.  
  
"I love you." He said, but the words were caught in bubbles that floated to the surface. They would never be heard. He pushed out the last of his air and breathed in deeply feeling the icy water fill his lungs. He shut his eyes and waited for the world to dim, taking in more water with every slow choked breath.  
  
And now, Harry found his peace. He wasn't going to be alone anymore. He would be with the people who truly cared. He had complete control and was no longer scared. In Harry's eyes, he had finally proved he was strong.  
  
~*~finis~*~  
  
A/N: All righty guys. You know the drill. Read. Review. And I'll write some more. Please be gentle. I haven't done this in a while. 


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